I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
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