i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
how does that bad decision feel?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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