Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
