Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
