I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I accidentally burped into my bong.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
