Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
