WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
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so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
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I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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