Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
