I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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