On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
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During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
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First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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