Don't you send me to vm
need another drink. this is the easiest way
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
