I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Randomize
