it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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