you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
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I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
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I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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