I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
