help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
