Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
