Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize