my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
