also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
nutella sex= disaster
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
we're so committed to being not committed
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
