I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
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