i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
