I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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