lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
