It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
