I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
