i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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