Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
