i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
