I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
