I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
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Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
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I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
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