I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
