grandma shit on top of the toilet
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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