just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
