Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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