you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
When did we convert life to cartoon?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
