Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
