Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
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