..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
