It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
