you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
