Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
