he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
