you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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