Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
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I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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