If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
im six kinds of drunk right now
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
