take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
