Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
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