YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
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