CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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