Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
