did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
My pussy is not your playground.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I have grass duct taped all over my body
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
