I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
