do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
