new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Enjoy the penises
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
