They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
