were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
