i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
