frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
