now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Randomize
