I could have mohawked her pubes.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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