How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
