ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
time to smoke my breakfast
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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