And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
